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ARTICLE 142: the duder AUGUST 2005 FUN FACT: repeating phrases over and over is hilarious... IN OPPOSITE WORLD! i am sure that if you are reading a computer magazine, you know at least one person who picks phrases from television, movies, or popular culture, and repeats them over and over. nothing is worse than this, but you and i are the only ones who know this. the "repeater" imagines himself to be a concentrated source of popular humor. nothing hammered this fact into my brain faster than running into my neighborhood's dude. in every suburban neighborhood, there is one man, thirty years old or so, who has not yet adjusted to the fact that real life is not like college. the term "frat boy" can really only be applied to individuals still in college, so i will just refer to him as "dude". i was walking my dog through the neighborhood the other day, and he called out to me from his porch as i passed his house. "hey duuuude!" he yelled. (this is why i decided to refer to him as "dude".) "what's up dude!" he continued. "hey, how is it going," i told him. i kept walking, because that is really all most people have to say to each other. a brief and mutual recognizing of each others' existence. but DUDE did not stop. "yo, shock em!!" he yelled, and held up both of his hands. he had pulled back the ring finger of each hand with his thumb, so the index, middle, and little fingers of his hands were extended. i stopped in disbelief. did DUDE really just give me the shocker? before i could complete the thought, he screamed, "WOOOO! THE SHOCKER!! TWO IN THE PINK, ONE IN THE STINK!!!" i am no prude, but one of my least favorite things is having catch-phrases or internet memes repeated at me. i turned around and went back to dude's driveway and walked up to his porch. "hey dude," i said, "you know, there is more to life than the shocker. has anyone introduced you to the chopper?" his eyes got hungry at the thought of another word to yell at people. "no, what is it!" he asked. "one in the pink, two in the sink!" i told him, using my left hand to mime cutting off the first two fingers of my right hand with scissors. "you chop em off and put em in the sink. you just got chopped! THE CHOPPER!!@" he was a bit dumbfounded, so before he could start asking questions, i went on. "THE DUDER! one in the ear, two in the rear!" i lunged forward and stuck my index finger in his ear. sensing that i was going to complete the maneuver as i had described, he squirmed away, dropping his can of beer on the porch. "come back dude! you still have many new words to learn!" i told him. he backed away slowly, saying, "dude, come on, chill out." i picked up his can of beer and yelled, "THE CHILLER!!! ONE IN THE EAR, THEN YOU DROP YOUR BEER!!!" i held the can out and pointed the index finger of my other hand at his head, menacingly. he hesitated for about a third of a second, then turned and ran inside, slamming the door. DUDE COME BACK OUT, YOUR CATCHPHRASE EDUCATION IS NOT OVER!!! i screamed at his door. THE DOGGER, IT IS TWO IN THE DOG, AND ONE IN THE DOG! i picked up rickeydog and pointed at him, in case he was watching from an upper window or the peephole on his door. THE CROPPER!!! TWO IN THE PHOTO, THEN YOU CUT OUT YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND WITH PHOTOSHOP BEFORE POSTING IT ON A PERSONALS SITE!! THE CRAPPER, IT IS ONE IN THE TOILET, A BRIEF PAUSE, AND THEN ANOTHER IN THE TOILET! he did not come back out to thank me, so after a bit of waiting, i left his porch, and continued on my walk. i may not have changed his mind about repeating catchphrases, but hopefully i have expanded his catchphrase vocabulary so that he has a wider range of things to yell at people. sometimes you just have to do what you can do, rather than what you want to do. and finally, before i go, let me give you a link to the "strange case of the hanover high shocker", in case you don't know how far this troubling idea has spread!: ( http://www.rotten.com/library/language/the-finger/shocker/ ) (back to the writing index page)