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JULY 2004  i have mostly been unemployed for the past couple of months. some people might attribute this to the bad state of the economy, but it is actually the result of an experiment called "i wonder if i can fill out my timesheet and get paid but never actually come to work"!! the experiment gave me some surprising results. it took six days before anyone noticed that i was getting paid but not coming to work! when i described my experiment to people who called my house from work they did not enjoy it, probably because they were mad that they did not think of the idea. i got fired like usual but i did not even have to come to work, they just mailed me a check instead. probably they knew that if i came back in, i would leave with all of their office supplies!! anyway so for a while i have been sitting at home. this is a good hobby to have if you have a dog! since getting rickeydog i find that i can go entire days without doing anything at all, he will walk around my house and sniff at things and try to eat things, every day is an adventure! between taking him out to poop in other peoples' yards and stretching each dog meal into a two-hour-long festival of throwing each tiny bit of dog food across the apartment for him to find and eat, my days are full and enriching! sometimes though i get tired of sitting at home. when i do, i take the dog with me on a walk. today i went to the coffeeshop down the street, i do not usually go there because it has awful coffee, but it was a good adventure idea! i walked in and was holding rickeydog up to see the menu and the guy behind the counter came out from the kitchen. SIR we do not allow dogs in here except for the disabled, he told me, you will have to tie your dog up outside! COFFEE GUY i am disabled, i can not smell things, rickeydog is my smelling-nose dog to make sure i do not accidentally have anything which tastes bad! i told him. i looked at the menu for a minute then told him, i would like an iced coffee! he got a styrofoam cup and headed back to the counter. as i watched him, he scooped some ice into the cup, and then walked over to the coffeepot and poured hot coffee all over the ice! COFFEE GUY WHAT ARE YOU DOING!! ICED COFFEE IS NOT JUST COFFEE ON ICE, IT IS COLD-BREWED TODDY!! he told me, well, here we make it just by putting some coffee on ice! well, here, you have a customer who is not going to buy your idiotic watered-down fake coffee drink! i told him. see, hold the cup up here, you will see why the dog is useful! he set the steaming, ice-filled cup on the counter in front of rickeydog. rickeydog leaned over to smell it and then sneezed in disgust. SEE COFFEE GUY, DOGS EAT POOP BUT THEY WILL NOT EVEN HAVE YOUR COFFEE DRINK! i said. come on rickeydog, let's go, this place is like a diner where you ask for eggs and they get up on the table and pee on your shirt and tell you, here is your sunny side up! we left the coffee place. i do not know why so many people try to ruin coffee like it is not a sensitive beverage that is very easy and cheap to prepare correctly! maybe there is a secret bill that was passed in congress to keep the good coffee of the world away from american citizens, or to only let them have it after it has been badly burned and decaffeinated by a corporate coffeemonger. power to the people!! i told rickeydog as we were walking home. he stopped and turned around and jumped up on my leg. (i had my fist in the air so i think he was trying to get a treat out of my hand!) POWER TO THE PEOPLE!! NO BLOOD FOR COFFEE!! GET BUSH OUT OF OFFICE BEFORE HE RUINS THE ENJOYMENT OF COFFEE FOR GENERATIONS TO COME!!! rickeydog responded by trying to eat a dandelion growing out of a crack in the sidewalk where we were standing. he is, without question, the best smelling-nose dog i have ever had. (back to the writing index page) |