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JULY 2003  in the world of 2003, the internet has permeated every single aspect of our lives!!! ok it is a joke because even if you can use the internet, you still need to get in your car and drive places and do stupid stuff like laundry. some people who like the internet more than anything else insist that appliances will have access to the internet, but they do not understand it is a fatal error! i will try to explain it in two parts. first of all, if your refrigerator can look at pages on the internet, it will never bother to cool things off! it might still work but your food will only be medium-cold, even if you turn the "cold" knob all the way up. then probably it will eat things while it is browsing, so if you have an internet refrigerator please be aware that if your leftovers go missing that they have probably been consumed while looking at iceboxsluts.com or frostfreebabes.com!! the second part is that putting the internet into appliances is the dumbest idea since weblogs because no one needs to be e-mailed by their toaster saying that it needs cleaning, or to get an instant message saying: DrewWasher10283: PLEASE CLEAN LINT FILTER well the last part is not exactly true because i do not have a washer or dryer, it seems like they are appliances you should have but every time i have a few hundred dollars to get one i usually think it is a better idea to pay the rent than to buy a metal box that cost four dollars to make! so i have to go to the laundromat, i guess it is a good example of a place to go that does not need any kind of internet at all. near college campuses they usually have laundry bars where you can go and do laundry and also drink, they are not too exciting but since the parts of town with the cheapest rent are usually near colleges, that is where i live. i did my laundry at one last week, the major components of these laundromats are drunk people, the smell of fabric softener, and a jukebox playing modern rock music! note that i did not put the internet anywhere in the major ingredient list, it is not allowed! okay actually i guess you could have the internet in one of those places, but nobody would ever use it, in any place where you can drink lots of alcohol and talk to other people who you do not know i think that the drinking is going to win! even if you are a BLOGGER, which means that you constantly update your web site as often as you can, and maybe even have a wireless internet computer, you probably enjoy drinking!! (because if you are on the internet, it is hard to forget that you spend all your time on the internet!) so when i was there in the laundromat i sat and read the alternative weekly newspaper and looked at the drunk people, it is not extremely interesting but it is better than anything you could get on the internet! that is a third reason, even if you are a washer then you do not need internet access, because it is probably more interesting to look at some guy in a torn-up t-shirt and stringy blond hair picking through the trash than it is to look at web comics or download music! <washer 21> WASHER 22 DO YOU THINK HE IS HOMELESS, OR JUST DRESSED BADLY BECAUSE IT IS LAUNDRY DAY FOR HIM <washer 22> PERHAPS HE DROPPED A VALUABLE IN THE TRASH <washer 21> IT IS ALWAYS LAUNDRY DAY FOR ME <washer 22> IT IS LAUNDRY DAY FOR ME AS WELL <washer 21> HEY CHECK THIS OUT THIS IS COOL <washer 22> OK <washer 21> CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK WHIRRRrrrr (stops spinning) <washer 21> UNBALANCED LOAD <washer 22> HAHA I LOVE THAT (back to the writing index page) |