New blog: June 5: Links You May Need About TFD / Videos / RSS Feed        Links: Natalie Dee / MTTS / Superpoop

ARTICLE 110: the new economy FEBRUARY 2003 if you look at the statistics for web sites, it is easy to see where people come from and what times they look at your web page. and always when you look at statistics you see that most of the people look at the internet during the daytime, when they are at work! probably this is because most jobs are pretty retarded and you have to do a bunch of crap all day long and then you get laid off in a few months anyway. probably that makes a lot of people not worry that they will get fired from looking at the internet while they are at work! most companies have rules about using work computers for pornography or web sites, so maybe people get more excited about work when they think they are secret agents!! i think they call each other on the office phones and cup their hands over the telephone handset and say, AGENT NINE IN QA DEPARTMENT, I AM GOING TO INITIATE OPERATION MOZILLA: LOOKING AT HUMOR WEB PAGES, OVER!! and the other person responds AGENT TWELVE YOU ARE CLEAR FOR BROWSING! DO NOT FORGET TO DELETE THE HISTORY FILE, OVER! then agent nine uses the advanced alt-tab technique to switch between work programs and internet at light speed! and if he is extremely skillful at covert operations he will maybe even use a message program to talk to the other secret agents in his office. AGENT FOUR COME IN, AGENT FOUR COME IN, OVER!! NEED STATUS REPORT, ALSO HAVE YOU SEEN TOOTHPASTEFORDINNER.COM IT IS GREAT! however even if you have secret agent skills it is possible to get in trouble for looking at web sites at work! throughout my career of crappy office jobs and stupid temp jobs i have developed an advanced technique for using the internet on work computers with a zero percent chance of being caught. it is called "taking the computers from work and putting them in your house and using them there"!!! the idea behind this is simple. probably you can not afford a very good computer or broadband internet at home because your job does not pay so much, so you are forced to look at flash animation sites (like homestarrunner.com/sbemail.html) at work and it does not work so well because the flashing images and sounds can attract attention from your boss or nosy coworkers!! and if they are not too busy trying to look like they are doing work instead of playing games where you run around and shoot things or talking to people in chat rooms, they might think you are a bad worker and it is the end of your job, even before your company completely fails and they have to fire everyone! so the plan is that you wait until late at night at work (you can pretend to be working hard on a project or whatever) and then take computers from your office building. this plan is excellent even if you already have a computer at your house because you can use things like laser printers and network equipment too! if you have been worried about printing off hundreds of pages of stupid stuff at work, you can do it in the luxury of your own home, and nobody will come by the printer halfway through your print job and say loudly HEY WHO IS PRINTING OFF ALL THESE PAGES FROM GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH!!! and when you do get laid off (because this happens to everyone, it is what they call the "new economy") you can use all of your computer equipment to FREELANCE! if you have not heard of freelancing, it means "sitting at home all day and looking at the internet because you do not have a job"!! if you miss the secret agent part of work, just put on a button shirt and brown pants while you use the computer and it will feel just like you are not supposed to be looking at pornography! AGENT YOU, WELCOME TO THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF JOBLESSNESS, WHERE THE COMPUTERS ARE BORROWED FROM WORK, AND HAPPY HOUR IS EVERY HOUR (BECAUSE YOU DRINK ALL DAY LONG) (back to the writing index page)