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ARTICLE 108: hobo-drew DECEMBER 2002 a few days ago i moved into a new apartment. do not worry, i am still living in ohio! (it is the state where the cost of living is low and so is the standard of living!!) i called the phone place yesterday to get DSL set up and they told me: DREW it will be three weeks because we have to test the line and mail you a special DSL modem and set everything up! and also it will be fifty dollars a month!! i slammed down the phone. well okay i slammed it down after saying thank you and please call me when it is ready and goodbye! (you have to be nice to phone people or they might type your name into their database and put a note saying THIS GUY YELLED AT ME, MAKE HIS DSL SLOW AND ALSO MAKE IT DISCONNECT RANDOMLY! I.E. SIMULATE "CABLE MODEM" SERVICE) suddenly i knew how british people felt, probably also because my apartment is kind of old and it was pretty cold even though i had the furnace turned on. (there are buildings in england which are very old and cold in the winter, at least that is what people tell me when i ask them about england! i am not sure it is totally true because the same people are the ones who go to big cities and foreign countries and then eat in american fast food restaurants and stay in the hotel watching television when they are there. DREW YOU SHOULD GO AND VISIT ENGLAND!! THE TELEVISION SHOWS ARE NOT THE SAME AS HERE AND ALSO THE HAMBURGER/FRENCH FRIES DO NOT HAVE DOLLAR SIGNS THEY HAVE THIS WEIRD SYMBOL THAT LOOKS KIND OF LIKE AN E, YOU SHOULD CHECK IT OUT!!) after the phone conversation i knew i only had one choice in getting on the internet: secretive wireless network access! in case you have not heard about it, sometimes you can put a wireless network card into a laptop and walk around and find "open" wireless networks and you can use their internet connection! there is even a secret hobo language you can use to tell when there is an open network connection around, it is called WAR CHALKING (www.warchalking.org)!! it is a good compound word but i think a better one would be HOBO-NERD, it encapsulates the perfect balance between eating out of the garbage can and playing computer games! i put on my secret black ninja coat and black hat and scarf and walked out the door of my apartment. maybe ninjas do not use scarves but i guess it is not cold in ninjaville in the winter. i did not have any chalk to use for leaving hobo signs so i brought some spray paint, it was the next best thing! i walked around in my neighborhood for a while. i did not see any hobo-nerd signs on the ground so i knew that i had to create my own in case people were trying to use wireless networks by walking around with a laptop and trying to get on the internet! i got out my spray paint and went to work. i did not remember any of the hobo-nerd symbols so i had to create my own! PROBABLY NO INTERNET HERE, THESE HOUSES ARE KIND OF SMALL AND RUN-DOWN, i painted on the ground at one of the intersections! (i do not have a laptop so i was just guessing.) then i painted SBC DSL SUCKS on top of a sewer manhole cover! it is maybe not an official sign but i thought maybe if people were walking around with laptops they were waiting for their dsl to be installed too. down the street i saw a dead raccoon laying on the side of the road so i painted a frowny face next to it to signal that i was sad. it looked like this except not sideways: :( i ran out of ideas for things to draw so i just started writing DREW all over the streets and buildings and sidewalks! i made it in crazy twisty writing so people would think i was insane and dangerous and to stay off my turf!! (it is to scare away hobo-nerds so just in case they try to use my own network. they will know not to use their laptops around my place!!!) i was tired after a couple of hours so i went back to my house. it was almost night! spray painting hobo-nerd symbols is a great way to pass the time if you do not have internet. only twenty more days of spray painting and DSL IS MINE!!!! (back to the writing index page)