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ARTICLE 105: rickeydog SEPTEMBER 2002 ok so i was at the mall this weekend, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO KNOW WHY. well okay i was buying some batteries and stuff at the electronics shop, it is not really so secret, but a lot of hip people know that the mall is stupid, and when you see hipsters that you know at the mall they are always giving excuses for being there!! UH WELL HELLO DREW I WAS JUST (SHIFTS FEET) LOOKING FOR, UH... SOME STUFF, YOU KNOW... (EMBARRASSED) FOR MY GIRLFRIEND... OR SOMETHING anyway i ended up going by this pet place on my way out because i saw that gerbil tubing, the colored plastic stuff! and i went in and started looking at it because i remember that when i was a kid i used to see it at the pet store when we were getting food for pets and think: HOLY CRAP IT MUST BE AWESOME TO BE A GERBIL!! that was before i learned that they don't digest their food all the way the first time so they have to eat their poop but ANYWAY i was thinking about all the passageways you could make with the gerbil tubing! and how the gerbil could have a part that went underwater like in a video game and maybe i could cut holes in the roof in my apartment and make a part that went into the outside!!! i was thinking about how to make a special piece of tubing to allow the gerbil to operate my cd player from inside the tube, and how maybe it would drop down food some way to reward him for skipping that one terrible song on the moldy peaches cd, when i saw something on the box that i did not notice before. a little five inch piece of colored plastic tubing was SEVEN DOLLARS!! JESUS CRAP GERBILS DO YOU THINK I AM MADE OUT OF MONEY!! i yelled at the happy gerbils pictured on the box. GERBILS there is no underwater zone for you, you can stay in your stupid plastic tank if you are going to charge me that much for tubing! i was leaving the pet store when i saw a bunch of puppies in this open bin and people taking them out and playing with them. all of them were gone except for one dog who was inside and walking around and looking at people. i walked over to see what he was doing and noticed: IT WAS A BOSTON TERRIER!!! boston terriers are the cutest dogs ever, their eyes point in two different directions and their head is shaped like a square! i picked him up and looked him in the face. DOG you are the best one here, why does nobody want to play with you!! i told him. i read his tag and it had a bunch of medical stuff on it but underneath it said his name was "rickey"!! i was about to put him down until i realized how great it would be to get a dog and call him RICKEYDOG! i brought him up to the cash register and told the woman there, i want to buy RICKEYDOG! i held up the dog in case she was too retarded to know how great that name was. he is six ninety nine! she told me. CASHIER thank you for the information, i am going to put RICKEYDOG back now! i told her. i turned around and held open my pants with one hand and put RICKEYDOG inside them and then pulled my shirt over his head. then i kind of crouched over and walked out of the store! nobody noticed that i had a dog in my pants so i walked all the way to my car. when i got there i took RICKEYDOG out of my pants and told him: RICKEYDOG you are free!!! next stop is LUNCHVILLE because all this stealin' made me hungry! i went home and was about to give him a chicken sandwich and some coffee until i realized that i did not know what to feed boston terriers! i used to have some lizards and they ate mealworms and crickets but i figured he would not like them. since i could not really call the pet store and ask them, HELLO CASHIER!! I WAS WONDERING WHAT YOU FEED A STOLEN BOSTON TERRIER PUPPY, i got on the internet! within seconds i found out that he should eat dog food!! (http://www.nzkc.org.nz/breeds/boston.htm) ok maybe it does not sound so complicated but FOR GODS SAKE the world of pets is not easy, if a gerbil tube is seven dollars i did not know what food to give RICKEYDOG. a poor diet could mean he would get sick and die and if you think stealing one puppy from the pet store is hard TRY STEALING TWO OF THEM p.s. here are some pictures of boston terriers in case you do not yet think they are the best dog ever!! (http://quimp.com/boston/) (back to the writing index page)