Toothpaste For Dinner archives (by month):

2010: jan . : . feb
2009: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2008: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2007: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2006: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2005: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2004: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec

WE'RE ALL GLAD THAT ASSAULT WEAPONS WERE LEGALIZED being able to spray bullets legally has made my cooking a lot easier...and a lot more fun! the ability to fire hundreds of rounds in quick succession helped me graduate high school! what if my home is invaded by a herd of robot bear-sharks? i need to be able to defend my property...and now i can! when i had conventional firearms, if my kids found my guns, they'd only be able to plug each other once or twice. not anymore!

assault weapons
12-31-04

assault weapons
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graduate school: it's like looking directly into the bulb of a high-powered flashlight for two years, only more expensive

graduate school
12-30-04

graduate school
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this report is no good i will rewrite it immediately boss RULE OF THE OFFICE: save insubordination for managers who do not have lobster claw hands

rule of the office
12-29-04

rule of the office
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WHY THE DOT-COM ERA ENDED coffee's a buck, refills are fifty cents standard business we'll give out coffee for free to attract people to our site, where we sell napkins and cream e-business

the dot com era ended
12-28-04

the dot com era ended
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techno music: not made for the sarcastic repeat that loop four times...oh yeah, just like that now i'm thinking you should put another loop on top of it, like...yeah! just like that! HOLY CRAP YOU'RE BLOWING MY MIND OUT

techno music for the sarcastic
12-27-04

techno music for the sarcastic
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every time you hear a cell phone ring, an angel gets kinda annoyed

an angel gets kinda annoyed
12-26-04

an angel gets kinda annoyed
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hey, where'd you get that file folder oh, it was a gift, i don't know where it came from

that file folder
12-25-04

that file folder
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well, i gotta go...these torsos aren't going to cut themselves up

hands free robarb
12-24-04

hands free robarb
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GRANDPA IN A STARTER JACKET - where did he get it - kinda weird

grandpa in a starter
12-23-04

grandpa in a starter
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i have declared this month "metal notebook writing" month. until next month, all my captions will be written in metal notebook font oops, i mean METAL WRITING FONT

metal notebook writing
12-22-04

metal notebook writing
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i've thought about it for a while, and if i ever start rapping, my rap name will be DI$COUNT$ then if i do a solo project later it'll be called $AVING$

discounts
12-21-04

discounts
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here's my card...you know, if we were mayans, i'd be handing you a human skill with my phone number on it right now well, not a phone number really, more of a human skull number, but you know what i mean

human skull number
12-20-04

human skull number
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HIPSTER ELECTION 2004 faux-80's mustache vs. ramone mop vs. overbearing mutton chops WHICH HORRIBLE HAIR DECISION WILL PREVAIL

hipster election 2004
12-19-04

hipster election 2004
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so i went out to buy that new "grand theft" game, but i was distracted inside and ended up accidentally getting "grand theft auto: columbus ohio" instead it's a pretty realistic game but all the missions are just like "hey player...why don't you go to the ATM and get out twenty bucks, and buy a soda" and "look in the classified ads and press triangle to interview for the job"

grand theft columbus ohio
12-18-04

grand theft columbus ohio
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and that is the difference between alternating curry and direct curry

direct curry
12-17-04

direct curry
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i used to make coffee with a french press - a cylinder with a mesh strainer that brews coffee grounds when you pour in hot water i switched over last week to an american press...it works the same, but it ignores my failures and tells the entire world that i'm doing a great job brewing coffee

american press
12-16-04

american press
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clock clock clock as soon as i can get a band together i am starting a spooky group called THREE GOTHICK FRENULUMS and we will play all of our songs with mandolins and tongue clicking

thee gothick frenulums
12-15-04

thee gothick frenulums
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SWEATERVEST you leave my arms cold and bare, yet you itch my torso unbearably is there anything you can't do

ode to sweatervest
12-14-04

ode to sweatervest
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FUN FACT: fish can't smell i haven't showered in days it's cool, i can't smell

fish cant smell
12-13-04

fish cant smell
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NEW!! DISAFFECTED YOUTH - Occasional door-slamming, otherwise remains quiet - Easy to feed and maintain (prefers to stay in room or away from your home) - Comes with free "NIN" shirt ORDER YOURS TODAY

disaffected youth
12-12-04

disaffected youth
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ever since the anti-rave-pants bill passed in 1998, super-floppy pants remain only in rare pictures such as this one, taken outside a warehouse party in 1993...and, of course, in our hearts

anti rave pants bill
12-11-04

anti rave pants bill
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the other day i found a bunch of easter egg colors in the closet so i bought six dozen eggs, colored them, and hid them all over the side of my neighbor's house and car

where i hid the eggs
12-10-04

where i hid the eggs
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my wife and i got in a big argument this weekend she keeps telling me that the second-anniversary gift is "wood", but i am pretty sure that's the third anniversary, and the second anniversary present is a donkey punch

second anniversary present
12-09-04

second anniversary present
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our studies have conclusively proven that the recorded image which encapsulates the joys and troubles of the twenty-first century is this picture of ray davies eating a hot dog

ray davies eating a hotdog
12-08-04

ray davies eating a hotdog
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FUN FACT: i have a biological aversion to ranch dressing i can't eat it and if i accidentally get some on myself i throw up a little in the back of my throat

ranch dressing
12-07-04

ranch dressing
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portrait of the self-made immunologist putting pens, pencils, doorknobs, etc. in mouth healthy immune system

self made immunologist
12-06-04

self made immunologist
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hey drew, whatcha doin just about to get on a conference call here in a minute translation: going to hide in the bathroom and do mad libs by myself for an hour

mad libs by myself
12-05-04

mad libs by myself
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you can pick your friends, and you can poop at work, but you can't chase your work friends around with a piece of poop

you can pick your friends
12-04-04

you can pick your friends
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no, you can not have a different birthday present your mother and i spent good money on that utah, now go outside and play there's tons of things you can do with it, go start a polygamist cult or something

go outside and play with your utah
12-03-04

go outside and play with your utah
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GO HOME UNTIL YOU CAN FIND SOME SLEEVES

find some sleeves
12-02-04

find some sleeves
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FOOD FIIIIIGHT!!! every so often, i like to grab my tray and stand up suddenly in the cafeteria at work, and yell "food fight!" just in case

food fight
12-01-04

food fight
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Toothpaste For Dinner archives (by month):

2010: jan . : . feb
2009: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2008: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2007: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2006: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2005: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2004: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec