Toothpaste For Dinner archives (by month):
2009: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov
2008: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2007: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2006: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2005: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2004: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2009: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov
2008: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2007: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2006: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2005: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2004: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
cats: somewhere, one is thinking right now about how much it hates you
selecting a printer is a daunting task. inkjet or laser? a fancy one, or a budget model? fortunately, there is an easy way to find which printer would be best for you: find the biggest one you can sneak home from work, take it home, and plug it into your computer. congratulations! your search is now over.
tonight at eleven... snow: winter wonderland or TOXIC HELL DUST?!? tune in tonight to see how this silent killer may destroy your family and all your possessions...and how you can stop it
what five minute rule, dude FUN FACT: the "five minute rule" is actually not valid if invoked as a way to eat your fellow diners' food at a restaurant by knocking it on the floor
sorry i missed the meeting this morning, i had car problems what happened to your car every time i got into it to come to work i remembered how much i hate my job and i had to get out of it and go inside for a while
RRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrr some people think alcohol dulls the mind, but my neighbors have shown me that alcohol is a powerful motivator for yelling at passers-by, punching each other, or cutting holes into your deck with a chainsaw at a quarter past midnight
son, this hurts me more than it hurts you...but i am not putting you down until you promise not to go to art school
and over here is where i spend most of my work day, in this cubicle well, yeah, i guess it is proportionately smaller than your cage, and no, i don't get to throw my poop around everywhere either thanks for pointing that out
oh, i-i would tow five hundred cars and i-i would tow five hundred more just to be-e the man who sold them all to a chop shop and spent all his profits on specialty porn
hey mike...extra meat extra mayo FUN FACT: when i worked in a sub shop, "extra meat extra mayo" was code for "get out here so you can see this weird-lookin customer"
we will begin withdrawing troops on the fourteenth of tricember "tricember"? mr. president, that's not even a real- thanks for your question, the press conference is now over
here is a rhyme i made up to describe what my daily life is like: "drinkin bottles of honey, pukin up some honey"
now stick your hand...into this BUCKET OF GRAPES ewww gross don't be scared, they're really just eyeballs
well, here's what i was thinking: how about we water down your ideas and pay no attention to anything you say, and then when the project fails, we'll blame you for coming up with it
let's see, there's belize, barbados, bhutan, bali, borneo, belgium, brazil, belarus, bermudas, and nyquil FUN FACT: when i can't sleep at night, i think of all the countries that begin with a certain letter, and then drink nyquil until i pass out
CROAST. v. any cooking process which results in food that tastes like crap. "oh man, i croasted that chicken, let's go out for dinner instead"
drew, when i opened up the presentation you prepared, instead of the "summary" section at the end, there was a full screen image of a man eating poop yeah, and the caption implied that you were feeding crap to the board members? that's a virus, i got it a while ago, pretty nasty, you should clean out your computer also while you're at it, check for spyware, there's this one thing that's been going around, it pees all over your desk chair while you're in meetings
this is your written warning for asking me to complete a two-week project in the space of four hours another infraction will result in the immediate removal of all solitaire software from your computer, including freecell
hey is that regular or decaf no one knows whether it is regular or decaf! there is a fifty percent chance of each, and until we can taste it, we must assume the coffee to simultaneously be both regular and decaf
son, i found this in your room...have you been building up blocks but leaving one column open so you can clear four lines at once with the tall skinny block? i think we both know that strategy won't work past like level twelve
this complicated food maneuver, which involves holding a turkey leg in each hand while you walk around eating them, is known locally as "the state fair"
hey partner...looks like you gotta steering wheel in your pants, does it bother you? arrrr, it's touchin' me balls
the first rule of work club is stop coming into my cubicle and talking to me all day at work club
HOW TO EMBARRASS A SURLY TEENAGER head like a hole black as your soul la la la la woooooooooo something something give you control look up the lyrics to some songs by his favorite band, then the next time you go out in public with them, dance a jig and sing
because i have been spending most of my work time on researching and tasking cheese, this month's finance report will not be presented today instead, i will reveal to you...THE CHEESE GRID. a two-dimensional grid whereupon cheeses are placed according to their flavor and stinkiness now, do any of you have a favorite cheese? let me point it out on the grid for you
i take my coffee like i take a dump: a very dark brown liquid five to seven times daily
as a user of INTERNET(TM) it is my solemn duty to inform you that what you have written online is, in fact, incorrect
this year we've already had six students who have threatened to roll other students up in a katamari as principal, i think we need to institute a zero tolerance policy towards these dangerous, sticky japanese balls in order to facilitate a safe learning environment for our students
i hate bubbles
i am going to start a new music/fashion genre by pouring half+half onto mopey teenagers it will be called... "creamo"
Toothpaste For Dinner archives (by month):
2009: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov
2008: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2007: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2006: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2005: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2004: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2009: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov
2008: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2007: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2006: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2005: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
2004: jan . : . feb . : . mar . : . apr . : . may . : . jun . : . jul . : . aug . : . sep . : . oct . : . nov . : . dec
