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Toothpaste For Dinner archives (by month): 2012: jan : feb 2011: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec 2010: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec 2009: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec 2008: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec 2007: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec 2006: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec 2005: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec 2004: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec |
here i have a normal pen, i will pass it around so that everyone can examine it and verify that it is normal now, before your very eyes, i will use this completely normal pen to doodle through the remaining two hours of this meeting
thank you, citizens of the internet, for electing me your internet president i will be rolling out my new steak-based initiatives, starting with the NO STEAK LEFT BEHIND ACT
don't push me cause i'm close to the edge if you are gonna rap along to the music at the coffee shop, you better be prepared for me to call you out and have a rap battle on the spot, right next to the table with all the napkins
white tennis shoes: the biggest mistake of the twentieth century
the stoic warrior stands alone...protected by his cold, unshakable demeanor the warrior wonders if there is anything new on slashdot
i don't think video games influence kids...i mean, if they did, there'd be an entire internet subculture based around them, and people would stay up late every night playing them, waking up in the afternoon and pausing only to post on the internet about video games
yeahhhhh toys toys toys PARENTS: do you let your kids run around inside a store and yell while you ignore them? if so, i'm sure you'd like to know what some snide twenty-something dude things you oughta do about it
yeah, i'm pretty much living out the american dream not only did i marry someone with health insurance, but thanks to the declining value of the dollar, i'm paying less rent every day
sometimes i listen / to a rock band / in my room / i am very sad bad poetry? oh noetry!
when janitors die they go to heaven and throw their trash on the floor and dead CEOs and politicians have to pick it up just kidding...there's no such thing as heaven
and then i pulled thru and picked up my order and it was WRONG! it's almost like the place is run by a multi-national corporation who beefs up its profits by underpaying its apathetic seventeen-year-old employees
drew you have been late twice this week, i printed off part of the employee code for you to read and remind yourself about the rules here oh hey thanks! i just printed off this page for you explaining how i won't start to care until i get paid a living wage
Welcome to ThirdParty Office! I see that you started a new document. Do you need help in: - Screed explaining why Democrats and Republicans are the same - Screed demanding equal media coverage - Screed comparing Canadian elections to US elections - General Screed template
dun! dun dun dun, dun dun DUN, dun dun dun, dun dun dun, duh-duh-duh dun TETRIS SONG dun dun DUN, dun nuh nuh duh nuh duh-duh-dun, dunna dun dun TETRIS SONG
behind every model train set stands someone's dad, with rolled-up sleeves and a short glass of whisky
BUTCHER do you call this a london broil, it is barely even a top round sorry drew SORRY WON'T CUT A LONDON BROIL MISTER
here, i got you a necklace with a charged crystal on it, to channel your energies yes, your honor, we have reached a verdict me, the jury, in a unanimous decision, finds you DUMPED
THE SADDEST THING I CAN THINK OF can i maybe borrow one of your turtles no everyone at school has a little baby turtle except for one boy the kids all have a turtle party where they all bring their turtles but if you don't have a little turtle you can't come no one will let him borrow a turtle. he does not get to go to the party. he has to stay home. he sits in his room and tries to draw a picture but his tears ruin everything he tries to draw
if i had a nickel for every time my nipples got sore in cold weather, i'd be a millionaire a nippleairrrrre
CHINESE NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS i will stop opening fortune cookies until i find one i like my restaurant will stop pretending its buffet is in any way "healthy" i will stop inventing gunpowder
today i put on my belt and it was tighter than usual upon examination i had accidentally put a half twist in the belt and worn a MOBIUS BELT for over ten minutes I WEAR THE MOBIUS BELT!!! I AM THE TAILOR OF THE VERY FABRIC OF THE UNIVERSE
are you wondering where you fit into the world? do you ever wonder what it all means? is your blood sugar unstable due to your body's inability to produce insulin? the answers to these, and other important questions, lie in one book...DIABETICS
PANFLUTE FLOWCHART do you need one NO no panflute YES no you don't
THE MOST UNNECESSARY THING EVER: B-B-BEEP i'm in the dorito aisle, do you want cool ranch or nacho cheese, over CELL PHONE WALKIE TALKIES
we have worked for decades to create a product with the highest pork density on earth, and finally we have succeeded now available for the first time ever: the hot dog-flavored pork rind
when i was little, i could hear a high-pitched sound whenever a television was on anywhere - even if the volume was turned all the way down and i was in the next room nobody else i knew could hear it so i thought i had something wrong with me
here's your badge...you'll have to swipe it every time you enter or leave a building, go between departments, or use the stairs oh, and since you're a temp, you'll have to park on the other side of the building from where you have to check in with the receptionist every morning
it took years to develop, but i finally patented the holy grail of restroom designers everywhere: the women's-restroom glory hole
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Toothpaste For Dinner archives (by month): 2012: jan : feb 2011: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec 2010: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec 2009: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec 2008: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec 2007: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec 2006: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec 2005: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec 2004: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec |
