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Toothpaste For Dinner archives (by month): 2012: jan : feb 2011: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec 2010: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec 2009: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec 2008: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec 2007: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec 2006: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec 2005: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec 2004: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec |
DOT COMPLAINER. anyone too stupid to sell millions of dollars of tech stocks before the dot-com crash dear blog, i can't believe i only make $40k a year. my stocks were worth blah blah blah
craaaaaap do you ever have this dream? if so, watch out for my eyeballs, i don't know where they are
i want an ipod that works for meat now playing: steak (6.21 bites remaining)
hey there, partner...are you shirkin' hard, or hardly shirkin'?
a date, huh? i went on one of those once, it was pretty depressing
have you seen new watch computers man, that smells like a segway i have found that the best way to describe expensive gadgets that will fail horribly is "that smells like a segway"
blog, blog, blog sometimes when people at work talk to me it is a horrible weblog i can not escape
bomp bomp bomp on "music instrument" day at school, i always wanted to play the washtub bass, but got rhythm sticks instead
really? six shots all in a row? that is awesome, let me take you out at lunch today for a glass of SHUT UP what do you say
-tucky: the suffix used by ohioans to describe a part of town that is more rural than the one they live in didja hear about the guy in grovetucky* who was running a prostitution ring from his junkyard *grove city, OH
how do you make the coffee girl mad: part one of a 437-part series how ya doin, birkensocks when you notice she is wearing sandals with socks, address her as "birkensocks"
i was just calling to see what a vanity license plate costs it'll be forty-five dollars a year, plus ninety percent of your dignity
here you go alley dog whenever i get sad about not having a dog, i give an entire package of ground beef to the dog in the alley, and think about all the crap i don't have to clean up
unit fourteen to houston, this helmet is TOTALLY UNCOMFORTABLE, over i can't believe i have to wear these pants either, over i want to be an angstronaut when i grow up
PERSONAL SECURITY BULLETIN: do not trust any of the following people men in tank tops people who quote movies duhh fart come on man people whose cars be broke and just need a dollar grad students
and now, for two hundred dollars, answer this: why don't you quit trying to show me you are cool and just bring me my steak
Q: you live in a small town with two barbers. one has a good haircut and one has a terrible haircut. which barber do you go to? A: neither. you let your hair grow out until it is an unruly mess, because the last time you got your hair cut, the barber called you "tiger" and tried to put wax in your hair
have you heard "the tired album"? no, what's that it's the mix of "the black album" with anything else
one of my most vivid childhood memories: 1987, spring..the seventeen-year cicadas emerge from the ground eeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee man, cicadas are assholes
when pornographic models try to look like they're doing something innocuous while they pose without clothes, i like to think that they refer to it as "pornin' around"
here you go do you need room for pee
mr. robarb, your resume looks impressive, but none of us are able to figure out why it says "your torso will be stored under my house" at the bottom that is just a typo, sorry
bobby, you may be wondering why i invited you over here today...we're going to do a little experiment called "do you have five dollars, because mr. wizard's pension is barely enough to cover his cable bill"
it's now legal to conceal a handgun in ohio and carry it around wherever you like the only explanation i can offer is so when abortion is illegal, pregnant teenagers can easily commit suicide god the future looks promising
wee you take we hi-yo (bee da day diddle day) one thing nobody tells you when you decide between buying a washer and going to the laundromat is that if you go to the laundromat you will hear radio hits from four years ago from the second you enter until the second you leave
whoa skreeeeeeoooowwwww parenting tip: if you ever buy your children walkie-talkies, they will get bored with talking on them within 3.4 seconds, and spend the next two years turning them both all the way up and holding down the mic button to make feedback sounds
we really appreciate your help here at the school, drew oh, it's no problem, i gotta do this community service for my proba-uh, i just gotta do it, you know in college i got a scholarship which required that i do community service, and wherever i volunteered, i pretended as though i was forced to do it by some judge
whoa, it's a prime number! i'll call you soon here's my phone number even though i had to wait three months to get my phone number, the number of nerdy friends i have made since have been worth it
just as setting your guitar on fire does not make you jimi hendrix, writing awkward and dramatic songs with your chihuahua does not make you stephim merritt
if you are like me and obsessively clean your glasses, raise your hand then raise your other hand (because you have to keep both sides even)
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Toothpaste For Dinner archives (by month): 2012: jan : feb 2011: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec 2010: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec 2009: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec 2008: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec 2007: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec 2006: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec 2005: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec 2004: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec |
