Superpoop: 2014
Toothpaste For Dinner archives (by month):

2014: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep
2013: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2012: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2011: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2010: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2009: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2008: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2007: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2006: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2005: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2004: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2003: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2002: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
 

Toothpaste For Dinner comic: burpology * Text: 

urp


while the cucumber burp is widely regarded as the worst flavor of burp in the scientific community, there is little but anecdotal evidence to support the theory that the carrot cake burp is the best
06-29-03

burpology
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: have any spare change * Text: 

hey man do you have any spare change


yes, do you have a spare job, let's trade
06-29-03

have any spare change
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: lashing out * Text: 

thanks to my course in anger management i can merely ignore phone calls instead of lashing out with cynical drawings
06-29-03

lashing out
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: stop for me its the claw * Text: 

in the laundromat i go to there is a sign saying that a man there will do your laundry for you if you drop it off so this morning i gave him a garbage bag full of bloody towels and a bloody claw hammer and your wallet and pretty much that is why you were arrested this morning
06-29-03

stop for me its the claw
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: a man walks into * Text: 

ha ha, oh man, that was great! okay, here is one for you! a man walks into a bar, because he is an alcoholic, and his name is you
06-26-03

a man walks into
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: gold wheel and gourmet * Text: 

HAMSTER did you ever think the economy might not have failed if you did not spend all your venture capital money on a gold wheel and gourmet seeds
06-26-03

gold wheel and gourmet
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: kicked out of another game * Text: 

PI 3.14


yesterday i got kicked out of yet another baseball game for an irrational reason
06-26-03

kicked out of another game
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: punches detect glaucoma * Text: 

OPHTHALMOLOGIST i need you to hold very still, you will just feel a tiny puff of air
06-26-03

punches detect glaucoma
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: coffee industrial average * Text: 

when office people can not even make coffee without getting grounds in it i do not think that stock prices will increase
06-24-03

coffee industrial average
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: he is... THE MINESWEEPER * Text: 

and you can clearly see here that i marked and cleared over four thousand mines last month, which is a vast improvement from april alone
06-24-03

he is... THE MINESWEEPER
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: humans natural weapon * Text: 

if you put water in your mouth and press your tongue up against your top front teeth you can shoot water a very impressive distance
06-24-03

humans natural weapon
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: i use scissors * Text: 

i use scissors for violence
06-24-03

i use scissors
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: one time i ate * Text: 

one time i ate scotch tape
06-22-03

one time i ate
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: relax dogg * Text: 

AAAAAGH MY ARM


relax dogg i saw this on mtv it will be cool


now where did you put the gas can


research has shown that you can get teenagers to do anything if you tell them it happened on television
06-22-03

relax dogg
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: the dress code is violated * Text: 

nothing looks worse than a man in a short-sleeved shirt with a tie, so i try to be fashionable by only wearing shirts and ties made from the skin and hair i peel off my own body
06-22-03

the dress code is violated
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: waffle iron with wheels * Text: 

having a waffle iron with wheels is not nearly as handy as it sounds
06-22-03

waffle iron with wheels
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: play golf * Text: 

college degree, middle-management job, and sport utility vehicle not useless enough? PLAY GOLF
06-19-03

play golf
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: roadmap for peace * Text: 

i have created a roadmap for peace! middle east people stay on one side and other middle east people STAY ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROAD
06-19-03

roadmap for peace
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: side effects include * Text: 

one day i am going to run around on the beach in slow motion and say: contact your doctor if this drug is good for you!! (side effects include nausea, headaches, dry mouth)
06-19-03

side effects include
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: symptoms of coffee * Text: 

symptoms of coffee deficiency include:


- wet mouth


- ability to sleep


- calmness


- easy stomach


- desire to die
06-19-03

symptoms of coffee
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: computer generated action * Text: 

did you see the latest computer generated action drama movie


it is time to administer some CGI head punches! the technology is so advanced you will swear you just got punched in the head
06-17-03

computer generated action
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: people at the bank * Text: 

i need to deposit this


myah myahh i need to deposit this


i like to stand behind people at the bank and mock them by repeating what they say in a whiny voice
06-17-03

people at the bank
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: sixty percent chance * Text: 

man it sure is raining outside


i heard that tomorrow it is going to be cloudy with a sixty percent chance of SHUT UP
06-17-03

sixty percent chance
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: tattoed backwards * Text: 

one of these days i will have the words DON'T GET A JOB tattooed backwards on my forehead so every time i run out of money i will know that i should start a brothel or sell blood instead of going to work at yet another stupid company
06-17-03

tattoed backwards
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: do not pass go * Text: 

martha stewart and my cousin who thinks she is martha stewart GO TO JAIL IMMEDIATELY


DO NOT PASS GO, do not make house decorations out of old tires
06-15-03

do not pass go
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: introducing robarb * Text: 

introducing


ROBARB
06-15-03

introducing robarb
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: may showers * Text: 

may showers being depression and roof leaks
06-15-03

may showers
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: take the caps off * Text: 

i huffed markers for years before discovering that you should take the caps off first
06-15-03

take the caps off
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: commentstravaganza * Text: 

heh heh, you sure do like coffee, dontcha


that's right folks, he will be here all week!! don't miss the inane comment-stravaganza!
06-12-03

commentstravaganza
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: high protein diets * Text: 

high protein diets sound great until you realize there is nothing better than a dinner of cheez-its and marshmallow peeps
06-12-03

high protein diets
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: off road vehicles * Text: 

thank god i have my cell phone


when i drive i like to run sport utility vehicles off the road because that is what they are made for
06-12-03

off road vehicles
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: proof of evolution * Text: 

if you do not think humans evolved from monkeys, all you have to do to believe it is to see the boogers people put on the wall in almost every bathroom in every place i have ever worked
06-12-03

proof of evolution
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: coffee health * Text: 

coffee is not really that healthy but i have been drinking it for years and i have not gotten cancer even once so it must be working
06-10-03

coffee health
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: food fight * Text: 

on no look out ketchup it is an ORANGE ATTACK


when i was a child i thought a food fight was when refrigerator items had a war with each other
06-10-03

food fight
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: office cycle * Text: 

the office cycle:


1. go to get coffee.


2. find no coffee.


3. brew a new pot.


4. go back to desk to wait for coffee to brew.


5. go back to step 1.
06-10-03

office cycle
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: take a break driver 8 * Text: 

take a break, driver 8


i want to be a manager, but just for long enough time that i can tell one of my employees,
06-10-03

take a break driver 8
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: air fresheners * Text: 

introducing the patented YOUR CALL WILL SMELL LIKE OLD PAPER TOWELS AGAIN AFTER THREE DAYS technology
06-08-03

air fresheners
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: empty milk containers * Text: 

i like to save empty milk containers and use them to store milk
06-08-03

empty milk containers
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: human resources boot camp * Text: 

do you think this job is about sitting in your pretty little office, reading resumes and offering jobs to the most qualified candidates? NO!! you maggots were hired to give jobs to the cutest, most ethnically challenged, sons and daughters of current employees! do you understand me? I SAID DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME


drill sergeant at human resources boot camp
06-08-03

human resources boot camp
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: rule number one * Text: 

oh man, i used to have this cd, these guys were great....in 1993


rule number one of all cd stores is that they must have a used cd by ned's atomic dustbin
06-08-03

rule number one
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: who wants a biscuit * Text: 

who wants a biscuit? MY BELLY WANTS A BISCUIT
06-08-03

who wants a biscuit
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: booooooooooooooooppppp * Text: 

oowaka oowaka oowa-BOOOOOOOPPpppp


the best part of dub is when the guitars are playing and suddenly there is a test tone sound that echoes like it is in outer space
06-05-03

booooooooooooooooppppp
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: dear china * Text: 

dear china,


i apologize sincerely for the creation and spread of that virus deal, but you have to understand that there was no other way to stop you from sending us so many grad students


sincerely, drew
06-05-03

dear china
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: excellent contract position * Text: 

EXCELLENT CONTRACT POSITION.


Company seeks temp-to-perm employee to work on new technology and invent new products.  Possible patent opportunities!


TRANSLATION: you will move boxes around
06-05-03

excellent contract position
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: i will be energetic * Text: 

when you donate blood it makes you tired and light headed, so what i was thinking is that i should get transfusions, so i will be energetic and have excellent balance
06-05-03

i will be energetic
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: one and a half donuts * Text: 

why can i never eat more than one and a half donuts before i just do not ever want to see one again
06-05-03

one and a half donuts
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: check into booze * Text: 

i am going to open a check cashing place which converts paychecks directly into alcohol it will be called CHECK INTO BOOZE
06-03-03

check into booze
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: id badges * Text: 

one day i will meet the man who invented these stupid identification badges that everyone at every job always has to wear, and he will accidentally fall down the stairs six or seven times in a row
06-03-03

id badges
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: the united way * Text: 

how much are you donating to the united way this year


how about two weeks' worth of you not getting punched in the kidneys
06-03-03

the united way
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: we got ice cream * Text: 

we got ice cream!


high five!!!


children are cute until you realize they are just golf players and sport vehicle drivers waiting to happen
06-03-03

we got ice cream
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: democats and republikittens * Text: 

CONCEPT


my latest concept is to have cats dressed in suits with poseable arms and legs! their suits will be black or grey depending on what team they are on, and they will fight each other in a neverending battle for good versus evil!


DEMOCATS AND REPUBLIKITTENS, COLLECT ALL FIVE HUNDRED THIRTY FIVE!!
06-01-03

democats and republikittens
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: jelly packets * Text: 

these jelly packets must have been specifically engineered to make it hard to take 40 of them from a restaurant and eat them for breakfast


thank god for good old american unemployment
06-01-03

jelly packets
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: red and brown and black * Text: 

whenever i have not cleaned my microwave in a while i sometimes look at the crusty red and brown and black spots and think that is what my stomach looks like
06-01-03

red and brown and black
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Toothpaste For Dinner comic: there is no you in team * Text: 

look closely


if i were a manager and i had to fire someone i would take them into my office and write the word TEAM on a piece of paper and hold it up and tell them, you know how they say there is no
06-01-03

there is no you in team
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Toothpaste For Dinner archives (by month):

2014: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep
2013: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2012: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2011: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2010: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2009: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2008: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2007: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2006: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2005: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2004: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2003: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec
2002: jan : feb : mar : apr : may : jun : jul : aug : sep : oct : nov : dec